Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
