if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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