I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
