he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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