Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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