he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
