omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
