Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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