we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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