puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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