The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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