u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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