So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
