i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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