Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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