I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
