No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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