I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
