well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
