oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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