Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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