she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
