Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
