My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
