I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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