Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
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is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
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Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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