i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
