idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
