the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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