my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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