Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
