My friends, they love my intelligence
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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