Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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