speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
