I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
