Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
