I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Two words: blizzard sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
