Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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