They should really pass out barf bags in church
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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