how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
