I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
