Michael Bay diarrhea
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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