HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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