I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
