He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
