my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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