You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
