I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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