never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
