Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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