just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
