never play flip cup with pint glasses
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
