u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
