i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
