a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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