i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
