Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
