Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
