Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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