What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
