you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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