dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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