Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
