Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
