i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
A+ Viking dick
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