i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
