i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
