Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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