i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
