This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
