and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
