Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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