just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
