I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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