I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
