You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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