i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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