My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
