shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
